Note: Okay my attempt to just run one blog at my other website is not flowing at the moment. I realize I need to post about my writing journey as well, so I plan on posting thoughts on this site also. We’ll see how it goes!
We’ve all had our upbringings that consist of certain beliefs, traditions, and homages, some stronger than others. For me, once I left my mother’s home for good, I really got to experience life for itself – of course I’m still experiencing. But I’m also finding the world that was constructed/ Ingrained in my mind over the years is slowly being deconstructed. It’s something that has been happening for a while now….much longer than I actually realized. The fact that I don’t “fit in” is becoming more and more prevalent. I’m seeing it in all areas of my life; school, work – everywhere. It’s like the mold is being broken away one piece at a time. My spiritual journey and beliefs have definitely evolved. I grew up in a strict, Christian household going to church every Sunday and carried out all the other notions that come with the typical church goer. These days, don’t ask me if I still go on a regular basis or if I go at all. What happened? Life, that’s what happened.
I plan on expanding on my religious perspectives in a later post. Right now I will just say my take on life has definitely matured over the years because of harsh reality situations (not because of what I had to do every Sunday). I definitely battled with it, the person in me vs. what was programmed in my mind; I tried to keep the principles I was taught as doing a good thing, but after difficulty of trying to belong, it makes me wonder if it was the right thing. So I let it go, after years of trying to stay involved there was simply no chemistry between church and myself. Church just got in the way of God and me. I’ll leave it at that for now.
As for the other areas in my life, I find myself restless at the job. My ideas and concepts constantly battle with the cultural mindset of everyone else. So yeah, some days I just feel like a sore thumb that doesn’t fit in anywhere. It really used to concern me, but not anymore. I just shrug my shoulders at not fitting in with the crowd.
So here I am, using a tool that has always been a comforting outlet for me and I’m glad I chose this path. In fact, that’s the beauty of writing; the starting point can be so scattered and discombobulated but the end product just turns out to be awesome. So I will be scattered some days, others I will be structured while the rest of the days may be a unique combination of both. Who’s to say? That’s the beauty of it. I can’t b defined because I don’t fit in.