I’ll never forget the time someone looked at me and said “you need to be more ‘boisterous’”. They really thought they were giving me sound advice. They really thought they were helping me by telling me something like that.
The fact is, they really don’t know who I am.
A couple of things with this particular scene I just described to you. First, the word boisterous means “noisy, energetic; cheerful and rowdy”. So there’s a lot of loudness involved with little to nothing purposeful going on. Second, the person who gave me this “advice” obviously didn’t know the full meaning of the word boisterous. You see, they’ve witnessed me when I’m talkative during presentations or certain conversations, and they’ve also seen my quiet side, where I don’t have much to say and I’m just trying to get things done. So because I’m not talkative when they want me to be talkative, they think something must be wrong. Telling me to be boisterous all the time was way off and they’ve missed the point completely. God bless them though!
There’s a time and place for everything
From Biblical references to how “old folks talk” we’ve all heard the saying one way or another, and it’s so true. There is a time and place for everything. How you conduct yourself at your place of work may not be the same way you are at home around friends and family. The way you talk with a 3-year-old may (or should not) not be the way you talk with an adult, and so forth. Why? Because not every scenario calls for the same type of behavior. Just because I have a projective voice when giving presentations doesn’t mean I’m going to use that same voice when I’m having a casual one-on-one conversation with someone. See where I’m getting? There’s nothing wrong with boldness, it’s a necessity of course. But it has to be managed properly if you’re trying to fulfill a certain goal or purpose. First off, what does bold mean? I know. I’m just all Dictionary.com today:
Bold: not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring: a bold hero. 2. not hesitating to break the rules of propriety; forward; impudent:
When one is being bold, it’s for a good solid reason. It’s not to manipulate or intimidate, but it’s usually to get something done.
Why are you saying what you’re about to say?
As you can see in the definition above, boldness carries purpose. It’s not something that’s needed for everything you do, just for certain times and situations. Are you facing something that you’ve been too fearful to deal with? Boldness is definitely key. Whether it’s a person or a situation from within, when it’s time for certain things to be deal with, you’ve put thought into your words and now boldness is needed to execute those words. Whether it’s verbal or written, you’re getting it out of you to get to the desired destination. You’re not talking just to talk. There’s purpose behind boldness.
If you’re going to be loud don’t be “loud and wrong”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being loud. Heck, I can get loud when the conversation is good. I come from a loud family – on both sides! So loudness is not the issue. For one, time and place is a factor. Two, if one has to raise their voice, it should be for good reason. Let there be a positive, uplifting purpose involved. Let it come from a good place. Because when it comes from a good place, everyone will be all ears. You won’t even have to be loud about what you have to say.
*Bonus* Don’t let anybody define who you are
The person I mentioned in the beginning of this post thought they had me figured out. They thought that they could take it upon themselves to tell me who I am and how I should behave…at all times.
Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.
It’s very easy to fall into the trap of letting someone define who you are; from the days of teenage peer pressure to our daily encounters as adults. There’s always a category someone wants to put you in. Those same people have issues or concerns within themselves that they’ve chosen not to deal with; instead, they feel they can define others and tell them what they need to do. Don’t let this happen to you. Know who you are and what you stand for.
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